The Rules To Surviving The Beyblade World
by Ray-Tiger-Cat
Summary: Oneshot. The Bladebreakers are tired of you random fans that try to make it in the Beyblade world and fail. They have been kind enough to provide you with a set of rules to get you through your adventure in one piece. Good luck surviving in this world!


RTC: HI! Have you missed me?

Kai: No. Obviously not.

RTC: Can it. Yeah, I'm still alive, believe it or not. And yes, I am aware that I haven't posted anything in four months and I must apologize. A special thank you to my clone, Iluvbeyblade for looking this over! I love you! And another special shout out goes to Moonlight Serenity, because I didn't mange to get her a birthday fic! I'm sorry! Hope you get a laugh out of this one though!

Ray: We've been over this: Ray-Tiger-Cat does not own Beyblade!

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The Beyblade world is full of inherent dangers. To help you, the newbie, we, the Bladebreakers, have made you this list of rules.

Do not battle on dangerous terrain. This means:

1-Trees and forests are bad. Evil people will try to make trees fall on you. Look at what King tried on Kai.

2-Cliffs are also bad. Battling on the cliff will result in breaking the cliff, often causing near falls.

3-High buildings are dangerous. Every so often, you get a fan boy with you while battling. You may be able to keep from falling, but he'll need saving. This is followed by yoai fics of you. KaixWyatt ring a bell anyone?

4-Ice is not you friend. It's called ice safety, people. Ice breaks when enormous bitbeasts are unleashing their power. And while Kai may be able to avoid hypothermia, you won't.

5-Rock climbing is not a good idea, particularly after a landslide. This will result in sprained ankles, so don't try it.

6-Rollarcoaster tracks are made of metal. Lightening strikes metal. Don't battle there during a thunderstorm.

7-Large towers may seem safe, but they're not. They break, occasionally trapping someone. Please go watch Tyson's matches with Kane and Brooklyn. Those bits of falling building? Yeah, they'll kinda hurt you. Let's hope those bad guys had insurance.

8-The public pool is out as well. Something to do with deranged life guards.

Sooner or later during your adventure, you'll find a girl. They may seems like foreign creatures at first, but hopefully these rules will clear up the confusion.

9-First and foremost, if you girl is about to get hurt (like falling off a cliff (because you didn't follow rule 2) or about to be crushed by rocks (ignoring rule 5 too?)) save her, you idiot! You have no chance with someone that's dead!

10-If you get hurt in a collapsing building (Ugh, are you reading any of this?! Go see rule 7!) she will tend your wound. Let her. This will allow you become closer and cause a more angsty battle later on. You can always hook up later, right Max?

11-When the angsty battle comes (And it WILL come.) fight your hardest, but say sappy stuff to your girl. It'll win her over to your side.

Now that we've covered the basics, it's on to one of the most important rules, how to handle the bad guys.

12-You can usually identify the bad guys easily-they'll have cloaks, bad, outdated hairdos, and glare ALL the time. Please look at a picture of Voltaire for clarification.

13-Don't battle evil purple-haired former trainers! They will send someone that'll beat you so badly you'll end up in the hospital. (Kai, Tala, you might want to read this!)

14-Don't battle people that will attack you physically. Usually, these people smirk and laugh manically often, so they shouldn't be hard to spot. Seems obvious, but the two smartest Bladebreakers didn't get it. (That'd be Ray and Kai.)

15-Don't refuse help after ignoring rule 14 and getting hurt. The result will be collapsing in a hallway and your blade shattering and worst of all, multiple corny fics centred around that moment.

16-The evil, bitbeast-stealing scientists will use your friends against you. If your friends are acting strange, watch out and put them in therapy. (In the case that the scientists aren't after them, they could sure use the therapy because they're hanging out with you.)

17-Follow rule 16 or you will have random emo-angsty moments that may result in running off in anger, only to have your true friends come to help you. While this strengthens the friendship, it's mostly a waste of time, so skip the emotions please.

18-Bad guys have lairs. Mostly creepy places like abbeys. Don't go there alone-or ever-as it will screw with your already messed up mind.

19-The best way to deal with bad guys is to give corny speeches. Repetitively. It won't convince them of anything, but it sure will drive them insane.

Now we've discussed you team several times. We're going to lay some ground rules for dealing with them and keeping the peace.

20-When they act childishly, ignore them or you'll receive corny speeches and nicknames such as "Sourpuss". However, you may scream at them about their eating habits; it'll save you having to blade for them when they get sick. (And if you're the cold-hearted person you should be, you don't want to blade with those fools! Kai doesn't and look at his fan base!)

21-If your team mate is reluctant to battle someone (usually the girl, which we're already covered) tell them you're counting on them. The extra pressure always helps.

22-Don't play the blame game. This too will result in emo moments that end with you getting your ass kicked by a friend.

23-Don't sneak off at night for battling evil wind bitbeasts. Once again, you will receive corny speeches and injuries.

24-When the team undoubtedly falls apart from not following previous rules and everyone runs off, you should appeal to your team mates with FOOD. This particularly works if your team is a bunch of guys-they'll eat anything!

During this adventure, you'll have loads of crazy emotions. Here's your list for dealing with them.

25-You are the underdog. Do not worry and panic (nor should you over inflate your ego.) because you will always win in the end because of your heart and noble intentions. Or it could just be your 'blading skills.

26-Over confidence is BAD. You'll come off as prick and it may result in you temporarily loosing to the bad guy.

27-The bad guys will always have better technology, but you've got your own weapon-putting them off their game with corny friendship speeches.

28-Don't feed the cute kitties. It makes you more approachable and the fangirls will be able to write emo-sensitive fics about you. Do you WANT to be swarmed?

29-An emo past always makes for an interesting story, but don't go too far-once again, they fangirls will mutilate you.

Now that's all the really important stuff, but before we leave you to your adventure, here are some general tips:

30-Don't fight with injuries. Just don't. You've seen us do it all too often, but you don't see nearly enough of the hospitalization. This means the fangirls have the freedom to write WHATEVER their little heart desires. Watch out. They are dangerous!

31-Your launcher and ripcord will randomly disappear during battles. Do not be alarmed. We do not know where they go during that time, but they'll be back for your next battle.

32-Bitbeasts are found in strange places. Jewellery, swords and laptops, just to name a few. The kind of bitbeast found in laptops are highly sarcastic, but great fun. Get one if you can.

33-Do wear jewellery while 'blading. This is one of the few sports where you should do this. You just never know if your grandma has hidden your bitbeast in your necklace. Though we question why you would wear an old lady's necklace in the first place.

34-This is the second most important rule-invest in loads of hair gel, scarves, belts and other accessories that rip easily. You will shred one accessory roughly every 5 episodes.

35-And the MOST important rule is... Announce your sexuality!! We can NOT stress this enough! Them fangirls are EVIL! So unless you want to be an uke or get raped by some random guy, announce your sexuality to the world! (This does not apply to those of you that aren't straight. Under no circumstances are you to let the fangirls know.)

Good luck and have fun. We take no responsibility for any possible mishaps.

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RTC: Well thanks for reading you guys and hopefully I won't be disappearing for months on end again! Send a review; they make me happy! Bye-bye for now!


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